


Sunday Morning Live!

by suddenly_im_Mr_sex



Category: RPF - Fandom, Real Person Fiction, Saturday Night Live
Genre: F/M, Porn With Plot, bill is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 09:11:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14375628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenly_im_Mr_sex/pseuds/suddenly_im_Mr_sex
Summary: OFC is a new cast member on SNL and is overwhelmed with Bill Hader returning to host. Does what it says on the tin.





	Sunday Morning Live!

**Author's Note:**

> I of course, mean no offence to Bill or Carrie and have the utmost respect for them. This is pure fiction (unfortunately).  
> It's not perfect but there was a definite lack of Hader-fiction so I've done my part.   
> You're welcome/I'm sorry.

It was my first season as a repertory cast member and I was still overwhelmed by everything, being recognized on the streets, living out my childhood dream, meeting celebrities; but nothing shook me more than receiving the seasons’ guest list. Bill Hader was hosting.

Everyone was excited, so I didn’t have to seem unfazed, but to everyone else it was about reuniting with an old friend, but if SNL had taught me anything, it was how to improvise. I wasn’t lying or anything- he really was a hero of mine, an inspiration, I was a fangirl, I just omitted the tiny matter that I had been fantasizing scenarios of getting that man into bed for years. 

“Anna, it happens to the best of us, I know that look.” Cecily winked at me,

“What look?” She looked me up and down, convinced,

“We’ve all read through the guests throughout the seasons and seen the name of someone we’re hot for, or were as a kid, only question is who’s got you going?”

“Yeah honey, it’s not something to get embarrassed about, I only had to get to episode 1 before I got flustered, I mean Ryan fucking Gosling, are you kidding me?!” Aidy giggled.

“I know right? Gal Gadot!” Beck chuckled, 

“So who is it? Sam Rockwell? James Bay? Franco?”

“Halsey? Taylor Swift?”

“God guys, drop it!” I shouted, casting silence over the room, and then out of nowhere, Kate’s face lit up. She was the closest friend I’d made on the show. I dreaded what she was about to say, if anyone were to know my type, it would be her,

“Anna, chill out! I already know who you’re looking at and no one’s going to judge you.” She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“Fine… but you guys can’t laugh, and when the episode rolls around you cannot tell him!” A chorus of agreement echoed in my ears and I let out a sigh,

“It’s Bill.”

“Damn! I Told my boy he was gonna be a sex symbol once the ladies saw him with a gun.” Kenan piped up, shaking his head,

“This would not be a big deal if I’d only fancied him since the premiere of Barry.”

“So how long have you…”

“It doesn’t matter, I’ll just stay as far away from him as possible.”

“Girl, why?”

“Umm… just hormonal new girl and married man don’t really mix.” Kate slapped my arm,

“He’s separated Anna… just be normal, you’ll be fine.”  
_________________________

We hadn’t spoken about Bill in weeks, my first season was going well, I was by no means perfect, but even the greatest SNL stars made mistakes in the beginning. I was just starting to gain confidence when Bill came in for the first time for the pitch meeting. He wanted to be super involved in the process; especially with the characters he wanted to revive like Devin and Stefon. 

Besides a hello and a handshake when he arrived, I stayed well out of his way- until I was summoned. I walked into the writers’ room where Bill were animatedly talking and cracking jokes. Cecily, Melissa and Aidy surrounded him. Popping my head around the corner, Bill stood, 

“Anna, sit down. What have you heard about the girls’ game night sketch?” I shook my head, from what I knew it was Cecily’s creation,

“Nothing really, I’m not in it so I…”

“What if you were?” Cecily smiled.

“Okay…” I shifted in my seat, 

“What’s it about?” Cecily grinned like a kid,

“Alright, so it’s this girls’ night where we’re all just playing uno or whatever but one of us brings their ancient husband, Bill, bald cap, full makeup, mobility scooter, the full bit.”

“Okay.” That seemed reasonably tame, I could handle that, Bill laughed,

“That’s not the joke.” 

“Oh…” I tried not to sound too disappointed, Bill signalled for Cecily to continue explaining,

“The idea is that Bill’s wife is trying desperately to get pregnant and... his Cialis kicks in the middle of the game and so they have to… take care of business in the middle of the game.” 

My eyebrows raised and I cleared my throat,

“That’ll never make it past the censors.” For which I was thankful,

“I’ve already thought of that, that’s actually the point of the mobility scooter. Blanket over Bill’s lap, then blanket over both of you, neither of you move, simulated sex without anything for the censors to complain about. Voila!” My brain was still screaming out what a bad idea this was,

“You said ‘you’, who’s playing Bill’s wife?” Like I didn’t already know what she was going to say, her poker face was bullshit. Then Bill piped up,

“Well originally Cecily was going to, but we’ve tried a few run-throughs and she laughs every time. She said you were the best at keeping a straight face.” I shot daggers at Cecily,

“Aidy agreed!” I shot daggers at Aidy,

“I know we haven’t worked together before, but I’d like to try it out… if you’re amenable that is?”

“Of course, but unless you’ve got a mobility scooter hidden here somewhere it’s not going to be so easy to… rehearse.”

“I’ve got a chair and a jacket. That work for you?” Bill smiled, and I tried my best nonchalant shrug, I was fooling no one, except hopefully him. 

Cecily fleshed out the script and blocking and soon I was lifting the wool jacket off his lap and replacing it with my weight, covering us both. We ran lines, his old man voice was undeniably funny, but I couldn’t laugh, I was too tense. I knew that on the night I wouldn’t be able to move a muscle, that was the only way the sketch could work.

“If I didn’t have such a big ego, I’d say you don’t find me funny.” Bill chuckled as I stood from his lap.

“No! God no! You’re hilarious, I was just trying not to laugh for the sketch. Breaking now and again is cute when you’ve been nailing me… nailing it I mean for a few seasons, but this green, it just looks bad.” Did I seriously just say nailing me, I wouldn’t even say nailing if I meant nailing. He simply nodded,

“I remember my first season, I was terrified, from what I’ve seen you’re doing a wonderful job. Cecily, can we talk for a minute.” She followed him out the door and I was suddenly alone with Aidy and Melissa,

“I swear to god, if I screw this up, or he figures out why you’ve got me in this sketch, you guys are so screwed!” They nodded, putting most of the blame on Cecily, Aidy still giggling,

“C’mon, didn’t you see him giving you the once over, maybe you want him to find out how you feel.”

“Don’t play, he was not…”

“Alright, whatever, deny yourself that once in a lifetime opportunity.”  
________________________

“Hey Anna, aren’t you curious as to what Bill wanted to chat about?” I frowned, 

“You guys are friends, you talked about friend stuff…”

“We sure did. And you know what friends tell each other?”

“What’s that?”

“Their hopes, their dreams, their fear that when you sit on him he won’t need a Cialis.”

“Excuse me!” I almost yelled,

“I am quoting right now Anna, ‘I’m not nervous about the other sketches but that new girl is gonna get me into trouble’. I asked him what he meant, and he said, ‘what if when she sits on me, I enjoy it too much’.” 

“He said that?”

“He said that.”

“What did you say?”

“I told him you were a professional, that if worse came to worse you wouldn’t say anything, and you’d write it off as nerves and proximity.”

“And what did he say?”

“I think you should ask him for yourself. He’s coming in tomorrow for the table read and be fitted for wardrobe, talk it through, clear the air.” I nodded, sighing.  
__________________

The table read went along smoothly, most of the cast was too busy laughing at Stefon to even think about anything else, I was relieved for the attention to be elsewhere.

“Hey Anna, I just wanted to apologize for rushing off yesterday, I don’t want you to think I wasn’t happy with your… performance.” 

“Well yeah, a superior performance is what the Cialis is for.” I blurted out before the blush radiated to my extremities. 

“Trust me I don’t need it.” He muttered under his breath, I genuinely believed his didn’t intend for me to hear that,

“What sorry?” It was his turn to blush,

“I’ve been debating whether or not to tell you this but considering how… closely we’re working and it’s all live I feel like I should lay all my cards out on the table.” I played dumb, it was a role I was more than happy to adopt in this situation,

“Only some of the cast know this, but my wife and I separated a few months ago and I guess I’m still really out of practice with being a single man, I just feel like I should warn you… I haven’t had a beautiful woman on top of me for far too long… I don’t think that I’ll… react, but if I do, I apologise.” I shook my head, he was ever the gentleman,

“It’s okay, since I’ve started here I’ve devoted my single lady time to work, I know what it’s like to be a little… oversensitive.” 

We were both blushing deeply but felt that necessary conversation had been worth the humiliation we both felt,

“I’ve got a fitting to get to, but I’ll see you around.” It seemed more like a question than a statement, I nodded and left the room to collect myself.

DRESS REHEARSAL:

I hadn’t been this nervous since my first show, the girls assured me that it would be great, and it wasn’t even the real show, but that didn’t stop me feeling three breaths away from hyperventilating. Why did he have to look so damn good? I still couldn’t decide whether I liked him better in his monologue suit or the well worn plaid button down he’d been wearing in other rehearsals, they both had their merits. 

“It’s here.”

“What’s here?” Aidy asked and I explained, lifting the blanket, settling above him and covering us both. It was more difficult not to laugh with full costume and Bill seemingly intent on making us break, I stifled a few laughs until I was stunned silent by the hard press of him against my ass, I could only be thankful that I wasn’t looking him in the eye right now. 

“Anna, I’m sorry again… about the sketch, but you were laughing, and it was kind of like you were jiggling around a little on me and I… sorry.” I quickly waved him off, 

“It’s fine honestly, it’s flattering.” 

“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it.” He chuckled nervously, running his fingers through his hair. A strand flicked out to the side and I resisted the urge to tuck it behind his ear.   
_________________

The sketch came up too quick for my liking, and soon I heard my queue, walked on stage, tried my hardest not to lock eyes with Bill. To say he hadn’t mastered the scooter was an understatement, his backing was clunky, and he kept running into things in dress. I chose to believe it was out of the nerves that we shared.

But when it mattered most, I sat and there was nothing, no stirring, no movement, he was 100% professional and his body seemed to get the memo, except for reversing Melissa and the table across the room. I should have been relieved but somehow, I left feeling more along the lines of being mildly hurt. The man’s most honest indicator for attraction was suddenly nowhere to be found.

“Well that was hardly the plan.” Bill joked in the ad break, he had already changed, and I wasn’t in the new sketch,

“Oh well, you managed to keep one thing in check.” He chuckled, 

“That I did. You coming out for celebratory drinks after we wrap?” I knew that Kate and Cecily were going, and I couldn’t deny that I wanted to see more of Bill, in any context,

“Absolutely, wouldn’t miss it.” 

“Perfect! That means I can apologise properly and buy you a drink.” I shot him a disapproving glance,

“I know you said I don’t need to apologise but I get to buy a gorgeous woman a drink under the guise of being chivalrous, so it’s win win.” With that, he walked back out onto stage and I waited in the wings like a true fangirl. 

He pulled me in for a hug at the end of the episode and I tried my best not to hold on for too long, he hugged everyone, I didn’t need to get the idea that I was special.  
The liquor flowed and Bill, Cecily, Fred and I took up a booth, Cecily and Bill several drinks ahead of Fred and me. 

“So, did it work?” Cecily almost shouted,

“What?”

“You know? What I told you to do before the show!” 

“Oh!” He grinned, “Yeah, worked like a charm!”

“What’s that?” I piped up,

“Oh! Bill just told me about what happened in dress and so I just told him to take care of business before the show!”

“Take care of…? Oh god!” Fred scrunched his face up, “Jeez Bill. I used to respect you!” 

“Hey! I’m not proud of myself but tell me you wouldn’t be pushing at your flies with her on top of you!” He pointed at me, I didn’t like being ‘her’, but it didn’t stop the bolt of arousal that shot through me,

“Alright Bill, maybe it’s time I get you a cab home.” I pinched Fred’s hand where it leaned on the table,

“Fred! Why don’t we grab another round!” 

“Ay, what are you pinching me for? He’s talking about you like a piece of meat.” 

“It’s alright, he’s just drunk, you don’t have to send him home.”

“I get that you’re into him, but I’ve never seen him like this Anna, and trust me we used to drink together all the time.”

“I’m a big girl Fred, I appreciate your concern, but I can handle it.” He put his hands up in surrender,

“Alright, alright, another drink?”

“Sure.”  
_______________

Things returned to a semblance of normality for a while until Bill excused himself to the bathroom, leaving a scrawled-on beer coaster in his place. ‘Follow me’ it read. I stuffed it in my purse and made my own excuses, however obvious. 

I craned my neck into the men’s bathroom and he pulled me in. His hands were all over me, his hungry eyes making me feel truly seen. He crowded me against the wall, his feet either side of mine, holding me in place, pulling me in for a bruising kiss.

“Oh shit, you taste so good.” As did he, sweet and intoxicating like the scotch he’d been drinking. His lips trailed down my jawline, latching onto my pulse point while hiking up my dress, experimentally rocking the bulge in his pants against my clothed centre.

“Fuck yes, you’re such a good girl for me, wait til’ I explode inside of…”

“Oooh!” Kenan chuckled as he stood motionless in the doorway, I was humiliated, only glad we hadn’t already gone further.

“Shit, Kenan, I should go.” I looked between them and made a hasty retreat, righting my clothes and hair as I walked. 

“C’mon gorgeous, daddy’s not finished with you yet.” I walked faster, straight into a cab where I couldn’t do anymore harm. Cecily followed me out, tapping on the cab window,

“Anna, I live fine minutes from you, I thought we were leaving together?” I had of course, completely forgotten, waving her in she stared. We sat in silence for a few minutes, she was clearly choosing her words carefully,

“Did you just fuck Bill in the bathroom?” Okay, maybe she hadn’t been too picky, I didn’t bother looking offended, I knew how it looked when I walked out.

“No, I didn’t.” Another few minutes passed slowly by,

“Have you ever been out drinking with Bill before?” I had to ask, she nodded, brow knitted with concern,

“What was he like?”

She thought for a moment,

“Now that I think about it he’d only ever have one or two, said he doesn’t like how he gets when he’s drunk.” I nodded, 

“Why? Are you okay?” I smiled weakly,

“Yeah, I’m fine… I guess I’ve just never been around him when he’s blowing off steam.” Soon the cab stopped out the front of my apartment and I wished Cecily a good night, handing over a couple of bills for the driver.

I didn’t know how to feel about the evening, there was so much new information, I was overstimulated. Embarrassed and horny, and kind of disgusted with myself. I’d only managed an hour of sleep when Fred called,

“Hey Anna, I don’t know what happened since we talked at the bar, but I let Bill crash with me and he’s pretty fucked up.”

“Fucked up how?” I asked dumbly,

“Well, he was throwing up for a while and I thought that was the worst but now he’s been crying for like ten minutes. Did something happen?”

“Sorry but I don’t know why he’s upset… he seemed fine when I left.” Well that was a lie, he’d referred to himself as daddy but who was I to kink-shame. 

“Alright, just thought I’d ask, I’m really worried about him, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I rubbed my hand over my eyes as I ended the call, thankful that we both had friends like Fred. Confident that I wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep tonight, I got up to write. Everything from journals to stories to sketches, hours rolled by. I still had a pencil behind my ear when the intercom beeped,

“Anna, I’m so sorry… can I come in?” Bill’s voice was undeniable, and I buzzed him in, watching as he approached the door. I opened the door and he stood motionless,

“So sorry.” I looked him up and down, undecided as to whether he was in the late stage of drunk or the early stages of hungover. 

“What for? I’m sure Kenan can keep his mouth shut.” I knew he would, I’d kept dirtier secrets for him. I invited him in, offering him a seat on the sofa opposite me, leaving me with enough space for my brain to take the lead,

“Thank you,” he sat, 

“I was an ass. I don’t drink like I did tonight, I’m a bad drunk, I get inappropriate and sick and sad... apparently in that order.” I waited for him to continue, still unsure how to respond.

“I know some people have sex in public bathrooms and that’s totally fine, but you’ve gotta know that’s not me at all. I don’t push women up against dirty tile walls or talk about my proclivities with other guys. I guess I’ve been trying to be a different guy since my wife and I split, spontaneous and confident like I wasn’t before but I just turned into a dick.”

“Yeah… you did. I thought maybe that was just what like you’re like when the cameras weren’t rolling.” 

“No. God no. Fred told me to get a handle on myself, I told him I’d fucked up and then I was asking him for your address. I’m sorry Anna, for all of it.”

I shook my head,

“I’m not, not all of it anyway. I wanted to kiss you, wanted to be with you… it was all just moving so fast, that’s not usually my style.” 

“Nor mine.” We stared silently at each other for a moment, 

“I can’t believe I didn’t wake you.” 

“Couldn’t sleep.” I immediately yawned, and he mirrored it, chuckling,

“Yeah, me neither, you mind if I take the couch?”

“We’re both adults, we should be able to share a bed.” He nodded uncertainly, I led him to my bedroom. He kept his distance from me, only toeing off his shoes before sliding under the covers.

“Bill, you don’t have to wear your jeans and jacket to bed.” He nodded, smiling impishly and I listened as his belt clanged when his jeans made contact with the wooden floor. His jacket followed and while I couldn’t see anything I wouldn’t deny his half naked proximity was killing off the last of my chances of sleeping. 

“You joining me?” He mumbled sleepily,

“I’m just gonna finish up what I was doing when you arrived. I’ll be in soon.” For a moment I contemplated a shower to take care of my unresolved arousal, before hastily deciding against it. 

“Y-sure you don’t want me to take the couch?” Before I even had time to answer he was asleep, snoring slightly, I hadn’t seen a sweeter sight in a long time. I turned the lights off in the living room and padded back to my bedroom, opening the blinds so I could see him bathed in moonlight. I quickly changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and slipped underneath the covers beside him. 

I wondered for how long I would be able to smell his cologne in my sheets, how long it would take before I washed the pillowcase he rested his head on. Okay, now I was starting to feel like Kathy Bates in Misery. 

Within an hour I drifted off watching his eyelids flutter, following him into the most restful sleep I’d had in weeks. 

I regretted opening the blinds as I awoke, the soft glow of the moon having been replaced with the bright glare of the sun, I would have turned over and gone back to sleep if it wasn’t for the insistent prodding in my lower back and the arm draped across my stomach. My eyes shot open, Bill was still here, in my bed, spooning me, with an erection on a lazy Sunday morning. I slowly shifted so I was facing him, while trying my best not to make a sound. I sighed in relief when I saw that his eyes were still closed. 

“G’morning.” I nearly jumped, his eyes squinting open. 

“Hi.” He smiled innocently before pulling me closer, followed by immediately jumping back like he’d received an electric shock. 

“Sorry I’m… friendly in the morning.” He chuckled, offering a sheepish smile,

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it.” I giggled. 

“Do you mind if I have a shower? I’m hoping some hot water can shake my hangover.”

“Yeah, no trouble, you might want to make it a cold shower though.” I winked as he pulled the covers back, letting me see the t-shirt and boxers he’d stripped down to in the middle of the night. 

“Ugh, no to cold showers, but… loud and clear.” He padded into the adjoining ensuite and I rolled over, begging my brain to slow down as the water beat down on the tiles, tiles like he’d pushed me up against last night, every second of his shower I spent talking myself out of joining him. When the water shut off I contemplated feigning sleep, but decided against it, I had Bill Hader in my house on a Sunday morning, it wasn’t the time to ignore someone until they left. 

When he emerged from the ensuite he wore a towel slung low on his hips, his hair was mussed, and I couldn’t hold back much longer. We locked eyes for a moment,

“That’s umm… good water pressure.” His attempt at small talk was sweet and pathetic. 

“Yeah, uh, it’s still early if you wanted to sleep a little longer, I need a shower too so…” I couldn’t even finish the thought before closing the ensuite door behind me and turning the taps on. I didn’t even need a shower, I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth, staring at myself in the mirror, willing myself to get back out there. After a few minutes of internal pep-talk I shut off the water and re-emerged. He was sitting up against the bedhead, reading something amusing on his phone. 

“Something funny?”

“I don’t know… I just got a message from Kenan.” My stomach dropped,

“What does it say?”

“Umm, daddy needs to lay off the drinks next time.” I felt my face heat, 

“Who knew Kenan calls himself daddy.” Bill chuckled innocently, and I burst out laughing,

“What?”

“Kenan isn’t talking about himself.”

“Wh- Oh shit.” I nodded, 

“Yeah. I wasn’t going to say anything about it.” 

“Seriously? Wow. I didn’t know I had that in me.” Then he was laughing too. 

“I’ve got a lot of messages from last night.” 

I wasn’t surprised, I sat down beside him, legs crossed, reading through texts from half the cast about how sloppy he’d been, and a few sincere ‘are you okay’s’ from the likes of Fred and John Mulaney. 

There was something unbearably intoxicating about the smell of my soap on him, my shampoo in his hair. I smelled under everything the minty freshness that he’d used my mouthwash, it was the last straw, I couldn’t be responsible anymore.   
I took his phone and placed it back on the nightstand, our eyes never losing focus with each other. I leaned in, placing my hand on his jaw. The kiss was feather-light but searing hot, never had a closed-mouth kiss affected me like that. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me on top of him. It was like we were perfectly synchronised, as our kisses grew sloppier, I sucked on his bottom lip and he would follow by nipping at mine, soothing it with his tongue. 

His hands traveled under my t-shirt, lifting it over my head, throwing it to the ground, replacing the material with his strong, tender hands. He rolled us over, kneeling predatorily over me, kissing a fiery trail down the side of my neck, the valley of my breasts, stopping only when he met the drawstring of my sweatpants, he placed an open-mouthed kiss on my hipbone before sliding them with my panties down my legs and helping me kick them to the floor. He stared up at me for permission and I nodded, I silently wondered whether I could cum just from seeing his face framed by my thighs. 

He was unrelenting, kissing, licking and sucking until I’d cum twice before he even slid a finger inside of me. I’d been on the edge of my third orgasm for minutes, he would stop every time he knew I was close,

“Fuck Bill, what are you trying to do to me? I need it, please.” I was alarmingly close to begging, 

“What do you mean? What do you need?” he managed to sound innocent between my legs, it was infuriating,

“I need to cum, please.” He chuckled darkly, the innocence was nowhere to be seen, 

“Patience.” Two could play at that game,

“Please daddy.” He growled instinctively, nipping at my thigh before pulling me down the bed by my hips, throwing the towel to the other side of the room, stroking himself a few times before lining up and sliding inside me. I let out a primal whine as he bottomed out, one hand in his hair, the other balled in the sheets. He braced himself, holding the headboard with both hands, driving into me as I wrapped my legs around his hips. 

“Ahh fuck Bill, I’m so close.” 

“Mmm me too.” Wrongly he saw that as a sign that he should slow down and I manhandled him until I was on top, his kisses maddening as I rode him hard. The filthy hushed words in my ear grew more salacious and desperate as we tumbled over the edge together. After a moment of looking at each other we began laughing, neither of us could be sure who started it, but I was left wondering for long after who was funnier. 

The Bill that I had watched every Saturday night for as long as I could remember, the Bill that lay beside me, sated and goofy. 

I wanted to watch this every Sunday morning for as long as I would live.


End file.
